I’m in Brazil. So much has already happened. So much. To me, in me, just me. In just three days, I have already seen sooo much. It’s kind of unbelievable.
This place is beautiful. It is amazing. The people, the food, the city, the weather – all of it is amazing.
The plane ride over…not so amazing. The flight from Atlanta to Miami was rough. We flew through a lightning storm and I literally thought I was going to die. That was an exercise in trusting the Lord. And then, once we landed in BH (that’s what the Brazilians call Belo Horizonte – BH [pronounced bay-aga]), we found out that our luggage had not arrived with us. So for 2 days we went without clothes, shampoo, toothbrushes, etc. It was a good time to (unintentionally) fast from things.
Also, sorry this is so disorganized and that it doesn’t make much sense. Maybe the next time I blog it will be more focused. Being here has been a sort of uprooting for me.
I would generally describe the overall feeling of my short time here as discomfort. Not in a bad, self-pitying way but in a good, tear-you-down-then-build-you-up sort of way. I have learned more than ever that my one and only identity is in Jesus Christ and my Father. They are the only Ones who will without a doubt satisfy me and love me perfectly. God has spoken to me so much since I’ve been here. It’s been hard to hear Him sometimes…I’m facing a lot of my insecurities and flaws right now – but it has been so beneficial for me. He has been so loving and intimate to show me that He is absolutely relentless in His pursuit of me. It can be hard and harsh sometimes, but it is so good to see that He cares so much about one so small as me.
In all, I have just felt completely overwhelmed. By almost literally everything. The language is different. The lifestyle is different. The people I’m with are different than the people I’m with in the States. I don’t necessarily fit in here. I’m American, and people know it (though the general consensus seems to be that I’m either Italian or Argentine). Regardless, I am finding myself in a place in which I am in a complete lack of control. And I love to be in control.
There is so much I want to say. But I’m still processing, still trying to figure stuff out. Who am I here?
That’s a question that has popped up a lot in my subconscious. But it’s really cool because even in my subconscious God is present. I had a migraine the other day (something that happens to me a lot, unfortunately) and I was lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself and just doubting a lot. And God spoke to me (something that happens to me a lot, thankfully). He said to me in a voice so tender, Tabitha, just be Tabitha, please.
And I think that’s an important thing for every single Christian out there to get. Don’t dare try to be someone you’re not. God desires you as you are. It’s so simple to understand but so hard to believe.
I don’t know if that’s helpful, profound, or incredibly obtuse to you. But it was so sweet to me. To hear God begging me in a time of pain and weakness to just be myself. His love for me doesn’t make sense to me.
Well, I think I’ve said as much as I can remember. There is so much – I wish I could recall and tell it all. But I hope that keeps you interested enough to keep reading. And please, keep praying. God desires these Brazilians, and He will have them. But please pray that we will be obedient, joyful children in our time here.
Revelation 5:9 says,
“And they sang a new song, saying:
‘You are worthy to take the scroll
and to open its seals,
because you were slain,
and with your blood you purchased for God
persons from every tribe and language and people and nation.'”
P.S. I realize that turbulation isn’t actually a word, but after being incredibly sleep-deprived from the Miami to BH flight (that was 7 hours) I realized that my words weren’t working as well as I’d hoped. So the word turbulence suddenly became turbulation…it’s fine.